Practice News
It is important to talk about these scary things in a supportive and age-appropriate manner. That way, we can help allay and manage their anxieties in healthy ways.
Earlier this week, one of my nine-year-old patients showed me a bracelet she had made herself. After some prodding from her mother, she revealed that she and her friends were making bracelets to raise money to help the people in Ukraine who were suffering the consequences of war. I was so touched by this sweet gesture, but also impressed and appreciative of her proud parents who encouraged her. Not only is she helping others, she is also learning a way to manage anxiety in a positive way when things seem so out of our control.
It is difficult to talk to our children about scary things like war that we really have little personal control over. At times, it may seem like avoiding these conversations is the easiest thing to do. Unfortunately, our children, big and small, will hear, see, and learn about upsetting world events in school, social media, television, and sometimes even overheard conversations at home. If they do not feel comfortable talking about them, they may suffer in silence; therefore, it is important to talk about these scary things in a supportive and age-appropriate manner. That way, we can help allay and manage their anxieties in healthy ways.
A good way to start the conversation is to simply ask them what they have seen and heard on tv/internet/social media/school. This should be done in a relaxed environment, like mealtime, where no one is feeling rushed or pressured. Parents should use language that is developmentally appropriate for the individual child or teen and remain calm. Kids easily pick up emotional cues of their parents like facial expressions, and body cues. Even if they reveal fears that are excessive, such as “We are all going to die,” parents should not minimize their fears, and should let them know that it is natural to worry when we see and hear upsetting things. In response, they should reassure them as much as possible that they are safe, and there are people all over the world working hard to settle the conflicts.
Sometimes, younger kids have a hard time differentiating visual images emotionally from their own reality. It is frequently best to limit exposure to these images as much as possible. If they have witnessed upsetting images and have questions, it can be difficult to explain war to children. It is best to keeping explanations simple like “sometimes country fight” and focus on all the people helping each other.
For older children and teens, it is ok for parents to not know all the answers. They can always let them know they will try to find them out later, or they can offer to work together with their children to do this. This can be used as a learning exercise to weed out misinformation and educate them about reliable websites and information resources.
Like my patient and her friends’ fundraiser, parents can help their kids to focus on positive things we can do to make the situation better, even in small ways. Discuss ways your family can help, and just spread kindness in the world. We should also emphasize to them that they should not feel guilty about living normal lives and having fun.
Occasionally, a child may start to show signs of severe mental distress triggered by upsetting world events. Some concerning signs include severe mood changes, panic attacks, difficulty sleeping or marked changes in appetite, physical manifestations such as headaches, stomachaches, fatigue. If you are concerned this may be happening to your child, please call us to offer our support and help.
By Caren Kirschner, M.D.
Posted 3/20/2022